C’mon, it’s time to put aside petty complaints with Lindsay Lohan and her petty larceny beefs, and a few and sundry questionable lifestyle decisions and merely focus on her swelling and heaving chest puppies, barely contained in her bikini top this weekend at Malibu.
Every solid Egotastic! man has an extensive arsenal of imagination skills and it doesn’t take much but a squint and a good turn of the libido-driven fantasy screws to imagine Lindsay and that blessedly large chest of hers in better days, the days when you would hurt yourself in many unseemly ways to such jiggly wiggly bikini top photos of Lindsay.
To be fair to Lindsay Lohan, it appears that she didn’t really hit the dude with her latest Porsche (the new one since she totalled the last one) who claims she tagged him in the parking lot of the Dream Hotel, where Lindsay is staying in New York while she parties and pretends not to drink.
To be less fair to Linsday, her history with automobiles makes Amanda Bynes look like a girl with a clean driving record; and to be even less fair, the fact that Lindsay isn’t seen drinking anymore doesn’t mean she’s not partaking in mind-altering substances. In fact, the dude who owns the Dream Hotel and Lindsay were spotted doing cocaine just this time last year during Fashion Week. So, let’s just say, I’d not want to be the dude holding her auto insurance policy right about now. On the flip side, I would like to be the girl who might get to share a cell with Lindsay should her probation get revoked. Let’s face it, prison rape is far better with a hot roommate. Enjoy.
Lindsay Officially a Suspect in Hollywood Burglary, Officially One of Our Favorite Female Celeb Criminals
This is like one of those cool, slick British thrillers where the reformed gangster realizes that he’s no good at keeping it straight and has to return to a life of crime, for just one last big caper before retirement. And maybe that’s the problem, Lindsay Lohan thinks she’s starring in her own movie as Michael Caine circa 1974.
How else do you explain her sociopathic criminal behavior? What was that? Oh, I thought someone had shouted out ‘Michael and Dina Lohan!’ And her explanation for who robbed the house she was throwing a party at? TMZ reports she’s flinging the blame onto Suge Knight’s son. Now maybe Lindsay never watched the Vanilla Ice Behind the Music, or ever heard of a dead guy named Tupac Shakur, but you really don’t want to get on Suge Knight’s bad side. When he’s not busy dangling white rappers off hotel balconies, he’s usually being questioned by the police in connection to a drive-by shooting.
This all has finally earned LiLo a spot on our list of hottest female celebrity criminals. We’ve left most DUIs off because, quite frankly, we don’t have the bandwidth to include them all.
Lindsay Lohan has been arrested…again. For hitting someone with her car…again. Was she drunk and or high? Probably. Two days ago in New York the 26 year-old, (who looks like a 47 year-old), star of Just My Luck and Freaky Friday hit a chef named Jose Rodriguez with her car. Then she did what any normal person would do when you hit a pedestrian and drove away. So, of course they arrested her. None of this is really news. Or is even all that interesting. My main thought was, “This ho-bag is driving around my city? Better stay off the streets.” As a former philosophy minor, it did get me thinking about the ethics of laughing at Lindsay Lohan.
She’s a tragic figure, if you think about it. Here is a girl who was going to be the next big thing that just exploded like an Gremlin in a microwave. She has been plagued by drugs, rehab, cancelled films, arrests, etc. If she wasn’t rich she would just be like one of the tragic methheads that hang out by the 7-11 off of I-10. I’ll make stupid doll-puppet shows making fun of topless Kate Middleton all day long. At the end of the day, she is a beautiful, glamorous, seemingly happy, future queen of England. She could use a good dressing down. But making jokes about Lohan is like laughing at a three-legged puppy or a dying old person. I think that’s why even the jaded press here in New York said, “Oh, well”, about Lohan’s latest arrest. It’s the way we humans deal with daily kinds of tragedy. Every day we see homeless people, crime, and poverty and we shrug our shoulders and try not to think about it so that we don’t break into tears everyday. Lohan has become the kind of tragedy that we are blase about.